geometry for dummies

I would like to think of myself as having been a bit of a "late bloomer." I'm not meaning in the physical sense of the phrase. What I mean is, I feel like I've finally reached my peak (still, not physically.) More like my peak of happiness. But yet, I feel like by saying this I'm doing my future an injustice. So, if you will, imagine one of those silly looking parabolas, like on a graphing calculator. I would like to plot "me." Naturally, at the beginning I was at the bottom (because as they say, you have to start somewhere.) Then I went through middle school (which sucked) and then high school sucked a little less, but then there was college. And those five and 1/2 years of college were quite a bit more fun. And it just keeps going up. Now, if it were a true parabola, the parabola would begin to come back down after the peak (which I would say for me is starting my career, falling in love, and getting married.) Plateau if you will, parabola, but please don't come back down. Sorry, Mrs. Oberkofler, I probably failed that Geometry test in high school.

Speaking of. This is what prompted my writing tonight. I received a facebook invitation to a 5 year reunion today for my high school class. I read comments of my friends' excitement about being able to see some of the people that they haven't seen in forever. This was not my exact initial reaction. Mine was more along the lines of "heck, no, I'm not going to be friends with you McEachern reunion." High school was definitely not my favorite years of my life. As I mentioned, it was one step above middle school, and middle school was seriously terrible, three years of daily agony I endured.

By saying that I'm a late bloomer, I mean that I just about four years ago finally became comfortable in my own skin, being who I am. I feel like it has to do a lot with some of the great friendships I made in college, my relationship I began with Jameson, and my relationship with the Lord. But I finally now have the self confidence that I painfully needed those 7 years. (If only I knew then what I know now, right?)

So here's the truth: I spent all of high school trying to fit in. I had, amazing taste in music and was fun when you got to know me if any guy ever took the time to. I looked just as awkward as I could have. I weighed about 100 pounds at 5'7'', and no, it was not the attractive kind of skinny. I was skin and bones (Thank goodness for those extra 20 pounds I've packed on!) My self worth was according to what boys thought about me. And of course, according to how I looked and how few guys would actually go to the trouble to get past the exterior to get to know the "fun me," I spent most Friday nights dateless. And yes, Saturdays too. I thought I fell in love my junior year to one particular guy where actually, looking back, I was only the subject of his interest when there wasn't anyone more interesting around. How embarrassing to not have known that then! At several points over the past couple years, I wish I could tell him now what a jerk he was then and how ashamed he should be. But of course, we all know that doesn't really matter anymore (look at how far I've come!) I also had several falling outs with friends and for about 3 out of 4 of them, it was because I finally got fed up with feeling used and taken advantage of and opened my big mouth and told them so. Oh, and needless to say how awkward I felt at the Homecoming dance. And how out of place I felt in my cheerleading outfit. And how I'd arrive when the bell was ringing to avoid the awkwardness of finding a place to stand in senior circle. And while I never ate lunch on the toilet (Mean Girls reference!) I did eat in my mom's office some days! Some true friendships I made there in high school. My good memories of high school include and are in fact limited to: Chelsey Tuggle, some of my teachers, making good grades that got me into college, and running Track and Field and Cross Country. And that's it.

I'm not naive, I know that those years have made me stronger, and made me who I am today but I'm not going to pretend they aren't painful. And six years later, it's ok to admit it. I wouldn't be so quick to defend myself and stand up for what I believe in today if my "friend" had not taken advantage of me so long. And I probably would not have chosen such an amazing husband if I had not let the same guy hurt me time after time after time. My saving grace those days aside from Chelsey were my parents and my relationship with Jesus Christ, the latter which has grown even stronger.

So needless to say, I'm not interested in going to a high school reunion and seeing people that won't remember me. I don't want to be reminded of feeling lonely and out of place all over again. Nor do I have any interest in showing off "how far I've come" with my hot husband, my college diploma and grad school work, or my new found self confidence all in tow. I'm happy just the way I am. I've peaked. And really, I only think it's going to get better than this. Take that, graphing calculator!

I'll be seeing you,

AK